Do You Think About Dying

This is not to scare you, but
Sometimes I think about dying.
We all do, sometime.
Die, I mean.
I don’t think we all think about it.
Kind of a shame
when you think about it.
I first learned about dying
when I was six.
An uncle and a cousin that I’d just met.
It made a happy Christmas
not quite as happy.
I knew what sadness meant
because my grandmother had never been
so sad.
And then, when I was 20
I lost my Andy
who had just turned 21
and I was as sad as I had ever been
for a very long time.
Great grandmothers died
and then great aunts and uncles.
and sometimes their children.
A beautiful sweet mother-in-law.
My father
too soon
to see his beautiful granddaughter
all grown up and married.
And then my grandmother.
When it came to
final hours
my mother
my husband
Not to be too morbid
I knew I had no choices
My place was at their bedside
As a witness to their passing.
As an acknowledgement
of my own mortality.
I will die, too.
There’s just no escaping it.
And so I think about it.

What kind of death would I want
What kind of death I would choose
If I could choose
If there were choice about it.
Could I just fall asleep one eve
and not wake up one day?
With bills unpaid and taxes unfiled
Dirty dishes in the sink
Confessions unconfessed
Or would I prefer to go in a flash
an instant
Either way
there is no mistaking
the importance
of these moments.
There are no do-overs.
Either way.
No apologies that matter.
Things left unsaid are left unsaid.
One day when I am dead.

About Sharon

Like anyone who lives long enough, I have experienced great loss and survived. I am convinced that my survival depends on my own participation in creating the reality I am living in, and I am determined to be a thoughtful and active participant/creator. These writings are my way of documenting that creation. As the song goes, "I will survive!" I chose the title Staying Vertical because I find that surviving isn't just staying on my feet physically. Keeping my thoughts and emotions on the vertical plane keeps me alive and moving forward. Thanks for joining me!
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3 Responses to Do You Think About Dying

  1. Arla says:

    I do … always have.

    When I go out on the range, or up into the mountains’ wilderness, I think I may be one of the last to see this vast land as it is now. Then, I’m glad to think I probably won’t live long enough to see it gone forever …. at least, that’s what I hope for.

  2. Mary Lou says:

    Brilliant! And so true!

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